It’s counter intuitive for many of us to think that a bully has been hurt just as badly as their victims, or to think that we need to help them overcome their problems, too. We don’t think of bullies as having emotions, as having a motive, or even as kids or adults who need help. But the reality is that bullies are victims, too.
Statistics on Bullies
Did you know that at least 14% of kids and teens admit to being bullies?
That’s an extensive number, considering that about 20% of kids admit to being bullied. It also begs the question: Are there really any bullies, or are they just kids acting out?
More and more evidence indicates that children who bully have either experienced bullying themselves and are lashing out, or have been physically abused by their families. Other studies find that bullies often having a bullying parent or sibling who has “lead by example,” and 61% of bullies have witnessed domestic violence in their homes and communities.
Many schools, parents, and mental health professionals believe that bullying activities and behavior are a symptom of a deep-rooted behavioral concern, whether that is past abuse, mental illness, learning disorders, or something else.
These kids are “twice as likely to experience depression, anxiety, and attention deficit disorder (ADD or ADHD),” which can all result in lashing out. Getting to the root of the behavior is important for preventing bullying, but still bullies are repeatedly disciplined. What good will punishing their behavior do?
It may just result in increased negative behavior and decreased trust in authority.
The Repercussions of Being a Bully
It may be hard to find sympathy for adolescents and teens who act out against their fellow students so harshly, but they’re affected by their actions (and the causes of those actions) too. Bullies often experiment with drugs or alcohol at an earlier age, start fights and crave aggressive altercations, and tend to do poorly in school.
They often have behavioral issues, can engage in physical abuse with their loved ones, and can even drop out of school or run away.
Later in life, bullies can continue their negative interactions, resulting even in criminal infractions. “60 percent of boys who bullied others in middle school had at least one criminal conviction by the age of 24; 40 percent had three or more convictions,” states findings in the Journal of the American Medical Association.
They may also develop worse drug dependencies, and their underlying conditions (mental illness, learning disabilities, sensory perception disorders, etc.) will continue to affect their ability to function. They will continue their behaviors into adulthood, and can even pass on these traits to their children and perpetuate the cycle.
Because it really comes from an emotional imbalance – be it being a victim of family challenges or any one of the above challenges, here is an amazing and out of the box healing modality to try.
Plant extracts aka Plant Medicine aka flower remedies aka flower essences.Made from plants, without scent, plant medicine targets our emotional and mental wellness. Used throughout Europe in hospitals and doctors offices regularly, here are a few to try to help bring the bully into an emotionally positive state.
Treat the root of the problem; nobody wants to hurt anyone when feeling good themselves!
Rough Bluebell (Australian Bush Flower Remedies “ABFE”) – When deliberately hurting or manipulating others, this brings compassion, sensitivity, and true love out.
Holly (Bach Flower Essences “Bach”) – For people more inclined to behave in an unfriendly or aggressive manner. It brings a more gentle demeanor, the ability to compromise, and to help them be more open to love.
Mountain Devil (ABFE) – For people feeling angry, hateful, suspicious, blaming. This helps to bring more forgiveness, helps let go of hatred (which can actually be sadness coming out), and increases happiness.
Rescue Remedy (Bach)
Emergency Essence (ABFE) – Both are for any kind of life trauma. Great to use with the above remedies.
It’s hard to imagine that a bully’s behavior is a cry for attention, or a sign of an emotional imbalance, but that’s precisely what it is in most cases.
Treating the underlying imbalance can entirely change a child or teen’s behavior, and set them up for a happier, healthier social life.